can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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