I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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