just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
