What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
