Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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