you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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