How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
