Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
