you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
