3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
