your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
