Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
