spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
