If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girl is more easily done than said...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
