my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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