i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
