i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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