just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
