yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Someone shattered a urinal.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
