Where did you get a picture of my penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
