Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
