Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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