I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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