You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
