We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
