im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
