I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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