Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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