dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
