I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
