I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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