hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
