if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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