Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
only if we run a train.
done.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
