I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
