and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
