so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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