did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
