I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
