sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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