my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
