I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
