Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
