He uses pillows to masturbate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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