cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
