Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
