I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
