drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
