He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
