the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
