I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
