Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
